Codependency vs. Support

"Don't allow distance to create more separation." - etconscioushealing


Let's explore the fine line between codependency and support. No one is codependent on anyone by nature. Some individuals were just programmed this way. In actuality, we are all already interdependent. It's nature's design. But let's not get jumbled up in the verbiage. Often times, it isn't because we are dependent on someone else, but it is because we desire the support of others, it's natural, we all want this. It is not necessary--but it is nice to have. We desire for our voices to be heard, and our truth to be seen--especially by the ones we thought would support us in the times we needed it most.


In nature, we need bees, we need spiders, and we need trees. We NEED and depend on them for survival. These creatures of nature are supporting us while we are dependent on them. They do not need us to survive, they survive just fine. They, however, depend on us to not take advantage of them, to destroy them, and to slowly kill them...which as a collective, we are becoming aware of the damage that we have done.


A baby, just born, is dependent on having a caretaker to get fed. At a certain point, as we age, we will also need to depend on someone to care of us. And if needing is co-dependent, then we will all be co-dependent in some way at some point in time. We support and depend in different ways, (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual) in different space and times with different people. Be conscious of this. We might not need to depend on anyone today, but tomorrow can become a different story for everyone. If support is given freely without expectations, without wanting it back, is when we will ensure support when we most need it--if not now, then later.


When we become dependent on support--is when it can turn into a form of unfavorable dependency. Support should never be asked to be given, nor should it be asked to be received. When the support and actions of others is the only thing that gets us going--is when a pattern of lack of self-trust and self-doubt can slowly begin to form. No one wants to be reliant on anyone for anything, we sometimes just lack the safe space we need to express our deepest desires and our deepest fears.


Individuals who have a pattern of co-dependency may have temporarily lost sight of their heart-center so they come off selfish, emotional, controlling, and manipulative. If people you care about are like this, you can learn how to support these people in a way where you are still able to honor your boundaries because now you know. They are the ones who need the light the most. They are simply desiring support and a safe space more than distance. But they were not shown that their desires are valid. If someone you know is this way, understand deeper. Understand that they do not know how to access their heart-center as you do, that something or someone has caused their heart-space to shut down for protection and they have not found a safe space to open up yet. They fear their own fears. Don't close off your space and distance, but allow them the chance to step in when they are ready to face their fears.


At the end of the day, we are all depending on something or someone, but we also have the ability to support something or someone. We can choose. We play both roles in our lives and living in the middle is heart centered living. We are all traveling the timeline of co-dependency, interdependency, and support. But let's not use fancy words and accept that we are all trying our best with what we've got in the moment--and that is always enough.


When we fear someone else being dependent on us, is because we fear disappointing them. The truth is--we will disappoint, and others will disappoint us. But the lesson is--to not let the disappointment block our heart and stop us from giving. If the cup is full and endless, there is always more to give and receive. You might not receive from the people you give to, but you will always be delivered what you deserve in some shape or form. Surrender with faith. Find the line between your boundaries and your heart, for the light of our heart is what the world needs most. Don't allow distance to create more separation.


Let me know your thoughts.


/Emily



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