Updated: May 6
Decided to take a break from writing about Chakras to provide my thoughts and view about Cannabis and the ascension/awakening process. I was hesitant to include parts of my own awakening experience but I feel it is important for someone out there who may also be experiencing something similar to what I had. I believe there is a reason why Cannabis is associated with the words 'peace, love, and joy.' If you take a look at Hawkin's vibration/consciousness scale--love, joy and peace reside at the top of the scale.
When people smoke or ingest cannabinoids, they are temporarily feeling these higher-vibrational frequencies. It gives you an idea of how we are NATURALLY supposed to feel. Are you saying we are naturally supposed to feel high? Yes of course, why not? High off of LIFE. Marijuana let's us tune into the frequency of peace just for a little while and I believe that is one of the reasons why it is so easy for people to abuse this plant.
For myself, due to being born into a lineage of extreme imbalanced feminine and masculine energies, I experienced a lot of shame, guilt, fear--contracted lower-vibrational energies. However, I was able to transmute these lower vibrational energies to get myself out of that rut and live to around the vibration of ~350-400 when I wasn't around my family. There were also many times I even got annoyed around some friends and I had no trouble leaving those situations if warranted. I manifested things I wanted fairly easily as compared to those around me who seemed to be struggling a tad more than I was. I did things out of my comfort zone a lot, was willing to put in the effort for what I wanted at the time, and accept that certain situations just couldn't work out and was feeling pretty proud of myself. Working past this level was the difficult part for me, so when I discovered cannabis and how I was able to feel more peaceful when on it, I eventually became addicted in a sense. Not being able to have fun and truly enjoy the moment without it. I started relying on cannabis to give me that feeling instead of working out of it myself, instead of just leaving situations that didn't serve my highest good, I used the plant so I was mentally able to handle everything I should've just walked away from, that eventually what happened was...
I was at the point where I just had to smoke weed to get a good nights sleep, to be around people who annoyed the sh*t out of me, roll-my-eyes annoyed, up to the point where the high didn't even last anymore. Yes, I was fully functioning since I had gotten so used to it, I even drove around high most of the time. However, I had relied on this plant so much that I actually began becoming apathetic to my own feelings, to other people's feeling, to everything going on in my life. Sure, at the time I was a college graduate, was in grad school working my 9-5 corporate desk job while being high almost 24/7. But of course I was not even close to feeling fulfilled with my life anymore. I honestly couldn't even distinguish between my own true feelings or if it was the feelings from smoking so much. It's like my energetic field was confused and I came to a point where I was too chill. Yes, you can be too chill...aka not caring about anything, down for anything and whatever. I was so used to being high all the time, I had forgotten what it was like to be without it.
It wasn't challenging for me to question myself and push myself out of my comfort zone, and so it wasn't difficult for me to realize that I was intentionally using it to actually numb out my feelings that I actually succeeded. It made me feel like I 'fit in' with the world around me where having feelings was more or less considered a weakness. I admitted that to myself. It lessened how much I felt because I wasn't comfortable with feeling so many emotions. I didn't see people around me feeling the way I did towards certain situations, not even my close friends. I didn't know that I was an empath until my awakening/ascension process began, I didn't even know what twin flames were, never had I heard of those two words. [I'm not going to get into that part of my story in this post.] I didn't know why I was fine around some people and grew resentful and angry around others and calm when I was alone. I truly enjoyed my alone time. (Empaths can relate). I was catapulted into the unknown as many of you on the awakening journey can relate.
Where I was in my life at the time, I didn't believe in any of the spiritual junk. Throughout my childhood, I grew up listening to spiritual junk--qi/chi, third eye, meditation, higher-self, etc. I was forced to meditate and read sutras and pray all the time, people spewing their spiritual practices onto me. And when I refused, I was judged, punished, put down. And to me, these people were not peaceful, not at all. They loved gossip, manipulation, anger, control, so I eventually called BS on the entire thing. I grew up, lived my own life and separated myself from those people in my childhood and turned to Cannabis. ***** I turned to cannabis not because I couldn't find peace within myself, but because the environment I was raised in was not a safe place for me to express them and these subconscious patterns replayed throughout my life. I cannot tell you how many times I was punished for expressing anger and shamed for crying. (Childhood traumas that stuck with me). I had an intense fear of expressing emotions and numbing out the feelings was the easier route for me at the time.
After so many nights of crying, of punching walls (yes, literally), dark night of the soul, I released so much pent up energy in me that I began to feel lighter and more free. I had so much anger that I wasn't even aware of -- they were dormant, and my awakening erupted it. I still have scars on my knuckles from punching walls but I can confirm that I've never ever in my entire life felt so much love, joy and peace without the use of cannabis. I am at a place where no one can destroy my inner peace and I am so grateful for the divine/universe and myself for getting me out of that rut. And so I decided to test out how I feel on it and off it. Now when I do smoke cannabis, I feel groggy, gross, unmotivated, whereas when I am not on cannabis, I want to do stuff, I want to write, I want to explore and learn. It's an okay thing to do once in a while just like it's fine to drink a beer sometimes, but being dependent on it made me lose my sense of adventure and hindered my ability to really enjoy life from my heart.
It is certainly not a bad thing, it's natural and a literal plant. I am saying do not let it get to the point where it puts you in a state of apathy and begin abusing it. Do what feels right for you in your own time, this is just my own experience and story I wanted to share since marijuana is such a big topic these days. Me two years ago would NEVER share any part of her story, now here I am writing this post about my own experience and what I've been through to get to where I am today hoping I can relate to someone out there who needs to hear that they are not alone. I created my own prison and only I knew how to get out of it, it was a tough journey and it's not over yet, but I am glad I went through what I went through.
Love & Light,