Updated: May 13
For us to create a fundamental shift in our #reality, we have to become aware of our #shadow selves. It doesn't matter who you are, what you've done, or what you've been through, we all have a shadow side. The side that we aren't comfortable showing, the side of us even we, ourselves, cease to fully understand and acknowledge as true.
The shadow self has its own consciousness, its own awareness, and its own journey it has to embark on. And that piece feels safer exploring in the dark and out of sight rather than out and about. But by staying in the shadows, we can only see so much, can only experience so much.
By becoming aware of our #shadow self, we can shine a light on it and ask for that side of us to come out, to fully show itself, and welcome it home with open arms. Often, we live the day-to-day going after certain jobs/relationships/activities just because it makes us feel something. It makes us feel accomplished, worthy, special, fulfilled, at ease and at peace, because we normally don't feel this way.
It's so crucial to be aware that when we go about chasing something outside of ourselves in order to receive a momentary feeling, it is because something within us needs our attention. We feel we need an external source that confirms we are successful, we are worthy, and we are special. But when we rely on these external #manifestations to dictate our worth, the cycle will never end.
I'll give an example using myself. When I first started working my 9-5 out of college, I was so excited to get into the industry I wanted right away in one of the largest healthcare corporations in the state. It made me feel worthy. And it wasn't until months into my full-time where I realized that I will always be chasing after something here. But I accepted it. I accepted the reality I thought I was bound to, that if I want to survive here, I have to constantly be doing more.
I saw that everyone else had nursing degrees, Masters, two Masters, some even doctorates. I worked with nurses, pharmacists, high executives, met with doctors all the time who all had so much more experience than I had. And I felt the need to pursue my own Masters degree simply because I wanted to 'catch up.' But the reason for wanting to 'catch up' was so I could prove something to myself and prove to others that I, too, am knowledgeable. And so I did.
I applied for a Masters program. The program allowed me to spread out my studies into 3 even 4 years but I wanted to finish it right away. I opted for the two-year original program while working my full time. I even started researching other certifications that would benefit me in my job. This drove me nuts!!! I could not see the end of this dark tunnel and I was exhausted from feeling like I needed that external validation that I became numb. Because in order to get through all of this BS, I HAD to become numb. It was a survival mechanism programmed in me. And when all of this truth was accepted by me consciously, I realized that I was creating this mess all on my own.
It wasn't until a little after I quit my full-time where I fully realized the true reason why I was chasing those credentials. No one was forcing me chase these credentials. I even had a coworker telling me I was crazy because I wanted to finish the program in two years time. But it was actually my own ego that needed the boost. Finally, I got so burnt out because the core essence of where my energy was coming from, was to prove something to myself and to others, so I could feel like I was doing enough and a little more. So I could feel smart, so I could feel a sense of belonging. I witnessed my own ego in action. My own ego taking me somewhere that wasn't in #alignment with my higher-self. I 'needed' to do more because if I didn't, I would feel worthless. Once I became aware of where in my life my shadow side has taken control, I was able to take back that control and learn how to heal from that, to understand and know that I have nothing to prove to anyone. And to integrate that lesson into my core being. And that if I ever had to chase after something to feel 'worthy,' then it's not even worth it.
To accept this reality I created myself was the most difficult thing of all because there was no one to blame. Not even myself because I didn't know. I learned how to face and forgive my own ego for putting me in that situation where I did go stir-crazy. But I also learned how to thank my own ego for putting me there because I learned so much about myself as a person. And when that lesson was fully integrated, I was ready to say no more. No more to creating a life full of chasing something that was never-ending and that I wasn't truly in alignment with.
The #ego is not a bad byproduct of being human, in fact it is the opposite. Our own ego can be our greatest teacher if we allow ourselves to witness it in action and accept what we are witnessing so we can re-direct our own course. Remember, our ego will always be apart of us, but it is not all we are.
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With Love & Light,